The Iceman ComETh

   I swear I could almost see the stale smell of cigarettes that enveloped the young looking man that sat across from me, like some classic cartoon.  If he (Alex) hadn't offered his age in our initial introduction through email I would have sworn him to be only in his mid twenties not his actual mid thirties.  Alex's age was only glimpsed in his eyes from time to time while we spoke, but the window's of his soul would have fooled you as well to think that he was much older than his thirties.
  Alex was a chameleon without a doubt, the definition of not judging a book by it's cover.  When he spoke he spoke eloquently, graceful and mindful with the choice of wording and narrative.  As he vocally danced about he would quietly slip in a fuck or some other curse word that would jar you for a split second, I am almost convinced he did this to keep his disguise up.  Just looking at Alex one would question his motives or his background.
  Alex was a chameleon not by choice but rather a totem or the product of bending life around him to his liking.  He started the conversation as he did most asking how I was and what was new.  His own intelligence allowed him with most people to direct a conversation so that at the end there was a feeling of meaningfulness while he held the world at bay.  A way of tricking you into believing that he had shared his self with you while he had done the opposite, a shadow with a heart.
  As we spoke he caught me as he often had despite my best efforts examining the visible tattoos that almost completely covered both his arms.  I found myself thinking as I looked at his body art that there was a central theme but I could never quite put my finger on it.
  Since he had caught me once again I used the moment to inch my way into the subject of what we really had come to know each for.  He had contacted me in the beginning knowing that I was snooping around looking for people that had experiences that involve the "phenomenon."  I had no idea at the beginning, middle, or end of this conversation that this would be the last time I would sit across him speaking on the topic.  I pointed to the outside of his right arm where a classic saucer was tattooed, "so you do believe in UFOs?"
  I could have sworn at that moment lightening struck through the cool gray blue of his eyes and I instantly had the feeling of what a gazelle must feel as a lion crosses the gap of land between life and death on the savanna.  Now to be honest I know I wasn't in danger from Alex, that was not his intentions but he at times seem to have what I can only describe as fire in his eyes when he became passionate in conversation or something was said that sent his mind into over drive.  A higher degree.
  He pulled his arm up, hand to his chin and looked down at the silver UFO that was tattooed on his right arm.  He almost whispered, "sports model," as a grin slipped across his lips.  "Let me see if I can find the right words to tell you how I really feel about UFOs," he said.
  "The UFO, UAP, AAV, or whatever else you want to call it is like a cross to a Christian I guess.  It is a representation of what I have experienced but not what "it" is.  I have never seen a UFO, classic or otherwise.  I have seen a couple of odd lights over the span of my thirty or so years but never a UFO.  Seeing a UFO is not why I contacted you and it's definitely not why I'm so interested in the topic of the phenomenon."
  He continued, "you know when I sleep at night sometimes I see things similar to what you might call UFOs in my dreams.  The problem is they aren't really UFOs, more like stars moving, people running around, sometimes a feeling of doom.  To be honest though, even in these dreams where there seems to be a sense of danger to the theme of the dream, they still don't seem to pose a threat to my safety in the dream.  That is the nature of the beast though because when I wake up in the middle night, unable to move, fear so thick in my mind I can feel nothing but danger.  Which is the reality, the non threatening lights dancing in my dreams or the dreadful fear I feel in my paralyzed state, perhaps still asleep as well?"
  He paused and I could feel with his gaze he was trying to decide how much more to share with me, how much was safe to share.  He had never be so forthright before so realizing the moment, I spoke, "please continue."
  He obliged, "A few times there has been a rushing sound surround me when I awake and can't move, and I don't seen anything.  The moment usually passes and then I wake up to the sound of my alarm going off.  I always try to fight, I try to yell, my wife says I whimper sometimes in my sleep. Often times I ask her the next day if I had an episode the night before and she will respond, "I think so?"  I don't tell her what I fear, I have only told her that when sometimes I have nightmares, no big deal"  He breathed in heavily before he continued, "my mother says my father whimpers and yells in his sleep too."
  He continued, "I remember as I child I had this reoccurring dream of being on something,....like a treadmill but black, metal and I was crawling or walking.  I don't really remember besides the color and some shapes.  I have read where people describe like a wall blocking their memories, that's not how I experience it.  It's more like a fog, and when I try to work my way into some memories, I stumble in the foggy darkness and then something will guide me gently away from this door in my mind.  Behind that door are the answers....  I get goose bumps when I think about whether I want those answers."
  His face changed at that point from serious to a familiar smile and he laughed as he spoke, "I guess what I am trying to get at is that my Cross my UFO on my arm represents all these things to me but it is not the phenomenon as I know it, as I might know it personally.  To tell the truth I have purposely avoided aspects of the UFO field that walk to closely to encounters or abductions.  I love this subject of UFOs but as we move into 2019 I feel the field and the topic of experiencers are coming ever closer to me.  I have built this beautiful Church in which I get to research the many aspects of my Cross from behind the safety walls and windows.  The problem I would say now is that the devil might have been hiding within the walls of my Church the entire time."  He laughed again and said, "now don't get me wrong, I'm not religious and I don't exactly feel any evil  with the subject, any aspects of it.  I know that I love the subject while at the same time cannot make that fear that strikes in the middle of the night go away.  Just the nature of the beast right?"
  That was the last conversation I had with Alex.  He had his confession I suppose, as I played the role of some sort of paranormal priest and him the sinner.  He was no sinner though, just entangled with the phenomenon from as early as he could remember and would continue to be.

"They have a nature that is intermediate between man and the angels."  Reverend Kirk of Aberfoyle from "The Secret Commonwealth of Elves, Fauns and Fairies" 1691 AD